1. Listen. And I mean really listen. Actively pay attention to what the other person is saying, and give some cues – like nodding your head or saying yes – that shows the other person you’re focused on them and understand what they are saying. Don’t respond right away. Ask questions, get curious, listen for more information, and then respond after taking time to understand their point of view. Don’t take over the conversation the second the other person is quiet. This shows that you were formulating your response as they spoke instead of listening intently. Be curious about the other person so you can get to know them and learn more things about them. When they’re talking, encourage them. Say, “Tell me more!” It’s a great line to open things up and it helps you get into a deeper conversation. Obviously, you need to balance the conversation and tell your own stories. You can’t just ask them questions all the time.
2. Grow your gratitude. Do an attitude check on yourself. Are you being grateful and positive? It’s important to be grateful every day. That has a tremendous impression upon the person you’re talking to. When you have that kind of a grateful, positive mindset, the other person gets a good vibe from you. While the pandemic has come with its challenges, it has also brought opportunities. First of all, the walls have come down in order for people to date more easily. Things are faster, and people are interacting faster. You don’t have to get on a plane anymore. The cost factor is out of the way and for many this is a blessing. Seeing things with a gratitude lens comes naturally to some, and others have to try to implement it. My advice is to always try to keep the positive in mind. Keep a gratitude journal where you write down what you are grateful for. Try not to repeat the same things so that each day, you are adding new things and growing your list, and along with it, your sense of gratitude and zest for life! Nothing can be more attractive than a person who loves life and appreciates all they have.
3. Prepare and plan ahead. Think about what you’ll be talking to your date about before the date begins. An important aspect to keep in mind are your micro-skills: eye contact, comfort level, how you dress, etc. Aesthetics are very important because it means a lot. If you dress well, it impacts your behavior. It impacts how you feel about yourself, and how you present yourself. You don’t get a second chance to make a great first impression. Ask a close friend or mentor for advice in this area and ask for help if fashion is not your forte. It’s important to be yourself but also to put your best foot forward. Balance is key.
4. Be humble. Know yourself. Know what you need in order to attract what you want. Having a top ten list is important so that you’re not floundering all over the place. Execute your dating strategy with a clearer idea of what you will need so that it will make you happy. Take your long list of needs, wants, and desires and cut it down. Pare it down to what you truly need to be happy - all the rest is icing on the cake! Every individual has their own mosaic of good things. The most important thing is to bring yours to the table when you’re dating. Maybe share your unique hobby, a nice life lesson you heard, a cute anecdote or story that you picked up in a video, or a humorous story about something that happened to you. Read Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Better your conversation style. Get involved. Be passionate. Your conversation should look like you believe in it. That you live it.
My blessing to you is that you are able to attract the soulmate you need and recognize them when they come your way.
Originally Posted on Aish.com
Aleeza Ben Shalom is a professional dating coach, in-demand speaker, expert, and author of the new book Virtual Dating: Your guide to Relationships in a Socially Distanced World and Get Real, Get Married, your guide to “get over your hurdles and under the chuppah.” The founder of the company Marriage MindedMentor, which connects singles from around the world with dating coaches, Aleeza and her team guide singles through the steps to become engaged – regardless of age, affiliation, or stage in life. A regularly featured expert in the media, Aleeza's relationship advice has appeared everywhere from BBC World News, to NPR to Aish.com. You may also recognize Aleeza from her appearance in the web series Soon By You or Eli Talks. Men and women worldwide work with Aleeza and her team to break through patterns and cultivate relationships that lead to marriage. She trains dating coaches and matchmakers and has helped hundreds of singles manifest their soulmate. Aleeza is a dedicated wife and loving mother of 5 children. To learn more visit: MarriageMindedMentor.com
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